The Kernel System
Many of you have commented that I need some sort of star system, a quick and easy way to rank exactly how good/bad I think the films are. I had many ideas, but the winning one came from Ms. Julia K. Kraus of Durham, NC. I proudly present… The Kernel System. The explanation is inside—take a look. Also, everyone please note that I will be going back to my old reviews and putting kernel ratings on all films I’ve covered in the past. PLUS, I will be putting four new pages on the side: 1. The Kernel System, in case you forget. 2. An easy-to-access list of every movie currently in theaters. 3. A full list of my reviews, categorized by their kernel rating. 4. A full list of my reviews in alphabetical order.
4 Kernels: Brilliance. A must see film. Stop what you’re doing and go check it out.
3.5 Kernels: Just a hair shy of extraordinary. Absolutely worth admission.
3 Kernels: A very good film. It doesn’t quite transcend into greatness, but it gets a solid thumbs up.
2.5 Kernels: A good movie that will please those who are interested, but it won’t convert the skeptic. Alternately, a film with chunks of brilliance mixed in with unfathomably poor ingredients, leaving it worthy of recommendation but should be taken with a grain of salt.
2 Kernels: While it has good elements, overall it’s a disappointing effort. You should probably wait for the DVD.
1.5 Kernels: Some quality performances or a few successful sequences keep this movie from being a complete waste of time.
1 Kernel: Poorly made, poorly executed, poorly acted—whatever the reason, the film is poor, period.
Half a Kernel: It’s taken the next step past poor and has moved beyond. It’s boring, it’s appalling, and it sucks.
Unpopped: One of the worst films I’ve ever seen. In no way should professionals have made a film so bad.
The Password is Swordfish 