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The Kernel System

Many of you have commented that I need some sort of star system, a quick and easy way to rank exactly how good/bad I think the films are. I had many ideas, but the winning one came from Ms. Julia K. Kraus of Durham, NC. I proudly present… The Kernel System. The explanation is inside—take a look. Also, everyone please note that I will be going back to my old reviews and putting kernel ratings on all films I’ve covered in the past. PLUS, I will be putting four new pages on the side: 1. The Kernel System, in case you forget. 2. An easy-to-access list of every movie currently in theaters. 3. A full list of my reviews, categorized by their kernel rating. 4. A full list of my reviews in alphabetical order.

4 Kernels: Brilliance. A must see film. Stop what you’re doing and go check it out.

3.5 Kernels: Just a hair shy of extraordinary. Absolutely worth admission.

3 Kernels: A very good film. It doesn’t quite transcend into greatness, but it gets a solid thumbs up.

2.5 Kernels: A good movie that will please those who are interested, but it won’t convert the skeptic. Alternately, a film with chunks of brilliance mixed in with unfathomably poor ingredients, leaving it worthy of recommendation but should be taken with a grain of salt.

2 Kernels: While it has good elements, overall it’s a disappointing effort. You should probably wait for the DVD.

1.5 Kernels: Some quality performances or a few successful sequences keep this movie from being a complete waste of time.

1 Kernel: Poorly made, poorly executed, poorly acted—whatever the reason, the film is poor, period.

Half a Kernel: It’s taken the next step past poor and has moved beyond. It’s boring, it’s appalling, and it sucks.

Unpopped: One of the worst films I’ve ever seen. In no way should professionals have made a film so bad.

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~ by russellhainline on July 2, 2009.

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