The Password is Swordfish

Twas the week before Christmas, eyes glued to the screen.

Not a creature was stirring, not even a teen.

The effects were crafted so neatly with care

In hopes that audiences soon would be there.

The viewers were nestled all snug in their seats

While visions of Na’Vi performed 3D feats.

And this critic, prepped for a boatload of crap

At Avatar’s end felt the impulse to clap.

When those rhinos ran over the horizon,

I felt a rush that I found quite surprisin’.

The whole final half, when the two groups clash

Made the two point five hours fly like a flash.

You see, although the plot is so-so,

The visual imagination causes minds to blow.

And, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But stellar 3D, with colors quite clear

With story so well told, that in my enamorin’,

I knew in a moment it must be James Cameron.

More classics than flops, his action flicks came

Such a great body of work, I’ll call them by name:

Abyss! Aliens! Terminators 1 and 2!

Titanic! True Lies! Now Avatar too!

Though each a bit long, his ambitions don’t fall

And I’ve been enormously thrilled by them all.

As much as T2 has been overrated,

And Titanic, post-Oscar, been unfairly hated,

He uses effects that audiences believe in

And creates the best spectacle this side of Sir Steven.

He brings the art of CGI glory

Since his visual effects affect the story

As opposed to other films, which can’t compare,

Whose effects are great, but give story no care.

The Na’Vi, convincingly real, head to foot,

And each plant on Pandora, from leaf to root,

Looked so lifeline that I was taken aback.

For mind-blowing graphics, Ol’ Jim has a knack

His eye– so terrific. Good camerawork– very!

His characters– full! His action scenes– scary!

Some people have asked me if the story does blow,

And while somewhat predictable, I have to say no,

The elementary tale stole my heart like a thief

As the visuals seemed to me beyond belief.

The action so great that my little round belly

It shook, when I laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

I liked even the cliches, in spite of myself.

I predict this will sit on my Blu-Ray shelf.

So listen to all of these words I have said–

If you don’t like this film, your heart must be dead.

This isn’t a film that you want to shirk.

It’s James Cameron’s last ten years of hard work,

And when someone like that has worked for so long,

You know that the end result’s going to be strong.

So take your loved one. I guarantee this’ll

Get you even more kisses than toes that are mistle.

Four kernels, I say, seems the only thing right.

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night. 🙂

~ by russellhainline on December 25, 2009.

Posted in Film Reviews
Tags: Avatar, CCH Pounder, Dileep Rao, Dr. Grace Augustine, Eytukan, Giovanni Ribisi, Jake Sully, James Cameron, Joel David Moore, Laz Alonso, Mauro Fiore, Michelle Rodriguez, Miles Quaritch, Moat, Na'Vi, Naytiri, Norm Spellman, Pandora, Parker Selfridge, Sam Worthington, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang, Tsu'tey, unobtainium, Wes Studi, Zoe Saldana